A Library of Lemons by Jo Cotterill

Author:Jo Cotterill [Jo Cotterill]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bonnier Publishing Fiction
Published: 2016-03-17T16:00:00+00:00

It’s hard to explain how I feel because I’m not sure I know myself. Part of me is angry, part of me is sad, part of me wants to laugh and part of me is frightened. I don’t want to think about my father, about the times I’ve been into his library when he’s been working, when all along the closed-off shelves were full of lemons. I don’t want to wonder what’s inside his head, because what kind of crazy must it be?

As for the books … thinking of them gives me a pain inside so sharp that I can’t breathe. How could he throw away Mum’s books? How could he even bring himself to do that? Does he feel nothing?

Mae’s parents are very kind. Her dad takes Christopher upstairs to race cars or trains or something, and Mae’s mum gets me a hot chocolate and suggests we sit on the sofa and watch a film. Mae wants to watch Frozen, and I’ve never seen it, so she puts on the DVD and we sink into the sofa. The hot chocolate is warming and slips down easily, and the film is good, but I’m so exhausted I fall asleep before we’re even halfway through.

In the morning I wake in a soft bed in the spare room, with a duvet over me. It has a pattern of little blue flowers. There is a white chest of drawers with round knobs for handles, and a pale blue carpet and a pine wardrobe in the corner. The lamp by my bed has a white shade with green leaves on it. I’ve only been in here once, when Mae was looking for a spare sheet in the bottom of the wardrobe. Outside, it’s still raining. I can hear the pattering on the window.

The door is pushed open, and it’s Mae, wearing yellow pyjamas.

‘Hello,’ she says. ‘Did you sleep well?’

‘Fine, thank you. It’s still raining then?’

‘Yes, the forecast says it’ll rain all day.’

We are like old people having a conversation.

We get dressed for school. I feel as though I’m in two parts. Half of me feels quite usual – happy, even, at the fact that I’ve had a sleepover at Mae’s house. The other half is shouting at me from behind a glass wall, silent. That’s the half that’s reminding me about yesterday, but I don’t want to hear it. I want to pretend it didn’t happen.

Just before lunchtime, Miss Spotlin calls me over. ‘Calypso,’ she says, ‘you and I are going to go to Mrs Gilkes’s office as soon as the bell goes, all right? There are some people who want to talk to you.’

‘What people?’

Miss Spotlin puts her hand on my arm and looks at me in a friendly way. ‘Don’t worry. It’s nothing bad. I’m coming with you.’

‘What about my lunch?’

‘The canteen staff will put something aside for you.’

We go to the head’s office and knock on the door. Mrs Gilkes opens it and says, ‘Hello, Calypso. Come on in.’

I am glad Miss Spotlin is with me because my tummy feels very fluttery.

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